


Like Dusk And Dawn

by ThisNoodleWrites



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Implied/Referenced Depression, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, mentions of suicidal ideation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-04
Updated: 2021-03-04
Packaged: 2021-03-17 18:36:16
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29845761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ThisNoodleWrites/pseuds/ThisNoodleWrites
Summary: As the day shifts into night, so do you. A change so smooth and noticeable when you pay attention, and so sudden when you don’t. Your head was always wracked with the fear and doubt; your boyfriend, Tsukishima Kei, never seemed to help the situation either.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Reader
Kudos: 20





	Like Dusk And Dawn

**Author's Note:**

> This is one I wrote a little while ago so if the story is a little whack that's why, but I genuinely cried while reading it out of nowhere soooooooo

As the day shifts into night, so do you. A change so smooth and noticeable when you pay attention, and so sudden when you don’t. Your head was always wracked with the fear and doubt; your boyfriend, Tsukishima Kei, never seemed to help the situation either. Behind closed doors he could wash away your worries for the night, but when he was in person, he acted as though you didn’t exist, ego bloating at the compliments of other women.

Your body shook as you moved closer to the gym doors, gently knocking. You silently cursed yourself when you realised that they probably couldn’t hear you over the noises inside and proceeded to push the door open slowly, “excuse me.” Your voice is so soft that even the wind managed to triumph over you.

Tsukishima caught sight of you, expression not changing, only briefly switching to annoyance as he missed a receive.

“Can I help you?” The coach stepped in front of you, you’d heard Tsukishima mention his name, Ukai. 

“I need to speak to Tsukishima.” You swallowed hard, not sure if he even managed to hear you, that thought confirmed by the confusion on his face. “Tsukishima…” you slowly pointed at the blond and Ukai followed your line of sight and nodded with a smirk on his lips.

“Oi, Tsukishima, you have another love confession,” your heart strings tugged. You’d always assumed that he had at least told his team about you, but it only confirmed that he didn’t. Worry washed over you. He grinned at Yamaguchi, who almost looked jealous, jogging over to you. Closing the door behind him.

“What is it, Y/N?” He checked the windows over his shoulder before allowing himself to look worried.

Tears pricked in your eyes as you stepped back away from him, “another love confession?” You asked. You couldn’t help the pain it caused you; how were you ever going to compete with all the women? Kei ran his hand through his hair and rolled his eyes.

“Is that _really_ what you want to talk about right now?” His voice is so cold that you shudder, nodding and trying to keep looking him in the eyes. “Fine, we’ll talk about that.” He sighed and shoved his hands in his pockets. “Some girls told me they liked me. There, did that make you feel better?” Harsh words. Maybe he was just trying to make sure no one heard him lose his cool.

You shook your head and he looked off into the distance.

“I just wanted to know why you don’t show me affection in public.” You clenched your fists hard until you were sure you'd broken the skin, shifting them and silently repeating the process.

There was that glare he was known for. It wasn’t special for you; you didn’t want it to be. You wanted the boy you’d fallen in love with, but each time it felt like he was slipping away from you with no hope to get him back. You weren’t any better. Each time he managed to break a wall, you’d be secretly building it back up.

“This shit again?” He growled.

“It would really mean a lot to me if you wou-”

“I already do all that shit for you behind closed doors, why do you need to make it so public?” He shifted his weight. Guilt settled in his stomach when you pulled back away from him.

Something changed on your face and his eyes grew wide. Your fists were still clenched but your body relaxed, a fire seething behind your eyes. “Because I shouldn’t have to listen to the way girls talk about you like your free game; and then you act like you aren’t even taken by me. You don’t even look at me.” Your body was still shaking, you felt so sick, but you knew you needed to face him. “Because I deserve to feel loved and not just like a broken toy.” You had to stop yourself from yelling.

“I’m not taken by anybody.” He turned to face you fully. You stared into his eyes, searching for a hint of sympathy that you’d see on those dark nights.

There was nothing.

“So, what am I to you?”

“You’re just what you said, a broken toy I can play with until I get bored.” He didn’t mean it. It felt like venom on his tongue the moment that it came out but he couldn’t stop it. “Did you actually think you were special?” Another wave of guilt and he glared harder against it. “Did you ever think I could love someone like you?” One final stab and the tears poured wordlessly down your cheeks.

He knew just how to hurt you. Every single time.

You didn’t step back away from him, neither of you moved; you were still searching for the remorse that you needed to be convinced he did still care; he was waiting for the fight back that you’d normally give him to show him you hadn’t given up.

It didn’t come.

“I guess, I thought you did.” Your voice was so soft again, shaking with a thousand emotions. Kei turned his back to you, not caring that the gym door was now open and his teammates stared at him. “I’m sorry. I’ll leave you alone this time.”

He stopped, hoping you were going to come back to him.

Instead, your head dropped low, letting the tears pour down onto you. Overwhelming numbness filled you. You could barely walk away from him. You just wanted to break down right there, but you had enough dignity left.

You didn’t see him staring after you, longing for you to turn around.

He ran his hands through his hair, biting back the tears that formed in the corner of his eyes. Everyone stared at him in shock as he nestled back into a glare.

________________________

True to your word, you left him alone.

No longer did you look at him with that intense love in your eyes that always worried him; he watched as you buried yourself deeper behind a mask. His team had said they’d never seen a girl bounce back so quickly from what looked like a devastating time, they called you strong. But he could see right through your little act. When the eyes weren’t on you, your face was empty, lacking true emotion. You hid yourself deeper down inside yourself.

The thoughts that wracked your brain kept him awake, for months he’d been worried about you tipping over the edge, he knew you’d been close before and even then he’d had to force you back.

Some days he’d managed to walk home a few metres behind you. Your eyes lingered a little too long, body moved just a little too slow, and there was a worrying smile that tugged at your lips when you crossed almost a little too late. But the car always stopped, and you seemed dissatisfied.

Today wasn’t any different. You’d walked to school with some girls; you were laughing, but it was so empty. You lingered a little too long in the road and the car honked at you, yet you didn’t jump, just sighed and followed them with the same smile.

“Tsukki!” A voice called out to him and he zoned back into what he was doing. He jumped to block the ball, but fell just short and cursed himself. The entire game he’d been out of focus, he was lucky it was only a practice match, or this slip-up could have cost him the game.

“Don’t mind, don’t mind.” Daichi patted the boy on the back, trying to gauge his emotions with a simple smile.

It wasn’t until the third time that he failed to block did he start to feel the rage boil inside of him, his movements so frantic that it almost scared the members of Nekoma. After that, he was quickly swapped out.

Tsukishima stormed out of the gym, slamming the door shut behind him. He wanted to scream, cry and punch something all at the same time. But the thing he wanted the most was to be able to see you. To talk to you. To say sorry for being a jerk. He wanted to hold you in his arms one more time, he’d kiss you a thousand times over and over until you were begging him to stop. He’d gloat and show you off to everyone. He’d put you up on that pedestal that you deserved to be on.

The door opened behind him and he lifted his head to yell, until his eyes landed on your figure, frozen.

“What is going on with you-” Ukai called out to the boy, worry dripped from his tongue. He stopped in his tracks as you stared at Tsukki, some fear danced on your face as you took a deep breath and faced him slowly. Ukai didn’t let the door close, he’d seen a scene almost too similar a few months ago and he wasn’t going to let either party walk away hurt this time.

“Ke-” You started to say, but quickly stopped yourself, “Tsukki.” He was watching you carefully; it managed to put you on edge. There was a wave of relief as you spoke to him, your voice as angelic as ever.

“L/N…” he spoke so softly that he wasn’t sure you’d heard him. “What are you doing here?” It was late after school had finished, it wasn’t like you had any club to go to, so why were you here of all places?

You paused, lips in a tight seal. That wave of sadness smashed through your eyes. How were they always so open and yet no one ever dared to look deep enough to see the horrors of your soul? “I… I don’t know.” You admitted, scratching your neck. “I just decided to come here, I guess. I wasn’t really thinking, I can go-” you started to walk away from him, the only thing stopping you was his desperate voice calling out to you. It tugged at your heart.

“Wait!” He sounded like he was in so much pain; every movement seemed to be more painful than the last, he could finally see you again and he’d never felt so much joy. You didn’t turn back to face him, your fists clenched again. Anyone could see you were fighting back tears. “Stay.” He pleaded with you.

The wind blew your hair away from your neck, revealing a few deep scars that made him want to drag you into his arms. “Why? I’ll just end up distracting you, or pissing you off again.” Your voice was shaking now, even as you tried to remain steady.

“Because I need you.” Admitting it almost felt like a deep burn. A betrayal to himself and everything he stood for; it was worth it when you almost turned to go back to him.

“What?”

“I need you, Y/N, do you want me to scream it?” You didn’t respond and he took that as confirmation. “Fine…” he grumbled, and took a deep breath. “I need you, and I miss you! I just want you back and I want to make things better.” It was working, whatever it was, it was working and you weren’t running. “I want to kiss you. And hug you. I want to show you off to everyone and anyone. I want to hold your hands and eat your shitty lunches-” you choked back a laugh, “- I’ll parade you around on my shoulders and make sure every girl and guy knows you are mine!” This was the part he’d hated rehearsing in the mirror. “Because… I-”

You cut him off, turning around with tears streaming down your cheeks. You didn’t move any closer towards him, that anxious feeling pulled at you, warning you to stay back. He watched the hesitation in your eye before you took a step towards him.

There you lingered, one foot closer to him. He doesn’t mean it, your thoughts pulled you back to your senses, bringing your foot backwards. His heart shattered at the sight.

“Please…” he begged, falling onto his knees. In front of him, you broke down one barrier at a time, vicious tears slipped out of you silently. You didn’t care if their eyes were watching you as that strong exterior you’d spent the last few months building up came crashing down in front of them. You needed to hear it. You felt so weak.

“Do you mean it?” You stood in front of him like a small child, shuffling closer to him even as your mind fought to make you stay back.

Tsukki didn’t move, only kneeling in front of you until he felt a gentle tap on his shoulder, he looked up at Ukai who knowingly smiled at him. Some shared understanding flowed between the two before Tsukki finally stood up, taking strides towards you.

He wrapped you in his arms, your head planted against his chest, listening as his heart picked up speed, pounding almost too much. He leant down his own head, craning his neck just to kiss the top of your head. If he hadn’t of been holding you, you would have crumbled. “I mean it,” he whispered.

After a few minutes of crying in his arms, you finally pulled away to look him in the eyes. There was something much sweeter in them than before, so apologetic and sympathetic for the pain he’d knowingly caused you.

He leant down further until his mouth was close to your ear, “I love you, Y/N.”

“I love you, too, Kei.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you liked this, then please check out some of my other works.
> 
> Comments, kudos, and more are always welcome and appreciated!
> 
> You can also check out my tumblr (https://thisnoodlewritesao3.tumblr.com/), where I post more of my own work, but also reblog others too.
> 
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> Noodle xx


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